What if I don’t want to talk to anybody?
Not wanting to talk to anyone about your suicidal feelings is a valid thing to experience. It’s not uncommon to not want to open up due to feelings of fear, judgement and even shame. If you want to process your feelings before working up the courage to speak to someone about your suicidal thoughts, the following may be of help:
1. Write it down
Journaling for mental health can be a powerful way to process what you're feeling. You don’t have to share it with anyone. Just getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or a screen) can bring a sense of relief. Don’t feel like you have to write structured sentences: simply allow yourself to write exactly how you feel.
2. Create a safety plan
Having a plan for when things feel especially difficult to deal with can help you work through it. Your safety plan can look something like:
• A list of distractions that are pleasurable or comforting
• Having easy-to-access emergency contacts
• A list of your favourite quotes or reasons that motivate you to keep going, even in moments where you feel at your worst
3. Reach out anonymously
There are apps, websites, and text helplines that let you express yourself anonymously (such as many of the ones listed above). You can write out what you're feeling or even chat with someone without revealing your identity. Not only can this be cathartic, but you can do so with the comfort that your identity is anonymous.
4. Try various grounding techniques
When we have distressing thoughts, our flight-or-fight stress response system becomes active, with the body preparing itself for more extreme action to deal with whatever the more emotional part of our brain (i.e. the "amygdala") detects as a threat. As such, our heartbeat quickens, our blood pressure rises, and our breathing becomes short & sharp. This causes us to panic and swamps our ability to think clearly about our problems, leading to even more catastrophic thinking that can worsen suicidal ideation.
Grounding techniques can be used in these instances to regulate these bodily sensations. as well as bring us back into the present moment and focus the mind on something that instils a sense of calmness rather than distress.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Name 5 things you can see around you
Box breathing - a deep breathing technique that involves inhaling for a count of four, holding for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and holding again for a count of four.
Holding something cold such as a cold-water bottle or touching a cold wall
Visualise a safe place
Practice a series of mental exercises, such as reciting facts about an area of interest
5. Understand that needing space is valid
Not wanting to talk doesn’t mean you’re beyond help. It just means you need a different kind of support right now. This can look differently for everyone. For example, some people need intervention fast, whilst others feel best dealing with it alone. You’re allowed to take your time, and when you're ready, take a small step to reach out to someone you trust.
