How to cope with life

Life isn’t straightforward. It's full of unexpected twists, turns and curveballs, for the best and the worst.

Your life isn’t just your own either, it is interconnected and tied to the lives of others. It is not uncommon for people to be overwhelmed by the responsibilities and pressures of life. This is perfectly normal, yet concerns need to be raised when a person feels they can no longer cope with the everyday pressures of their lives.

Being able to cope with life is the basis to being able to thrive. But it’s understanding where to begin that can be a challenge. By keeping track of patterns of behaviours, you can adapt to lead a healthier lifestyle and boost your standard of mental wellbeing. This in turn can make coping with life’s trials and tribulations all that simpler. This blog post will go over what coping involves, help you understand what it means to not cope, and how you can help yourself and others who may be in this particularly tough situation.

What does ‘not coping’ mean?

At its base level, ‘not coping’ means that a person is struggling to manage a difficult situation, stress and their own emotions. Feelings of not being able to cope might occur situations, for example, working in a stressful kitchen where orders are coming in quickly and piling up where there aren’t enough staff. In scenarios like this, stress levels can reach fever pitch and quickly become overwhelming, unmanageable and you may feel you have lost all control of the situation. Everyone has been there, everyone has felt like this, and it can be difficult and draining. So, does it actually mean when you feel you are ‘not coping’ with life in general?

When you feel that you can’t cope with everyday life, it is likely that you have been experiencing emotional stress for an extended period of time, and it has got to the point that is impacting your ability to manage your everyday life. This can result in a variety of different symptoms, mentally, emotionally and even physically. It might impact your mood, cause you to act of character and even result in fatigue or impact the quality of your sleep. The impact can be significant and lead to you losing your sense of self due to extensive stressors and triggers affecting your ability to function.

Why you may not be coping

There might be a multitude of reasons as to why you may feel you’re not coping with life as well as you would usually. It might be the everyday things in life that used to come so naturally to you aren’t coming so easily anymore due to an unexpected event. It could be due to a relationship with your partner, family or friends, or even your professional life. Some of these may seem like external factors, but depending on your relationship with these aspects of life, the impact they could have on you is significant.

Circumstances and events however will not be the deciding factor on your ability to cope. As humans, we are resilient, we able to cope with a lot and even grow because of tough situations. But, in many instances of struggle, people may have some form of a support network to help them through. When people feel that support is no longer there or is compromised, that is when coping can be especially tough. This is why bereavement and grieving are particularly difficult to cope with.

Regardless of what we may be mourning the loss of, whether it be a person, pet, location, job we can begin to feel lost, causing further stress. If you are struggling to cope for an extended period of time and begin to feel hopeless and even experience suicidal thoughts, please seek professional support. This could be with The Samaritans or if you have access to HA | Wisdom Wellbeing’s Employee Assistance Programme, contact a member of our counselling team for support

Signs you’re struggling to cope

Sometimes, it is hard to tell that you are struggling right up to the moment that you are completely overwhelmed and on the verge of collapsing under the pressure of life. There are however some common telltale signs that can serve as an indication that you are struggling to cope. Here are a few key examples:

Mental

1. Increased anxiety levels When you are overwhelmed by life and the world around you, it can cause stress, put strain on your nervous system and it may even lead to you suffering with conditions such as anxiety. It may not be about anything specific; it can be over the simplest thing such as heading into work, speaking to a shop assistant to help you find something, asking a friend for help.

2. Brain fog Struggling to concentrate? Losing your train of thought mid-sentence? You could be suffering with brain fog. The stresses of life could cause mental fatigue and tiredness, which in turn may impair your cognitive ability to go about your daily life, with symptoms such as failing to find the right words, working or processing information.

3. Mood swings and depression Much the same as with burnout and overwhelming stress, when you are struggling to cope and constantly dealing with negative feelings, your mood can swing violently. It may begin with anger frustration and lashing at those who are showing concern, then the guilt may set in quickly and you begin to struggle with feelings of depression. With all the stress and pressures you may be dealing with, regulating emotions and remaining positive can be incredibly difficult.

Behaviour

4. Social isolation As mentioned above, coping requires a support system. But when you are struggling to cope, you may feel you need distance from those you love as you may believe you are a burden. You may keep yourself to yourself and avoid social events, ignore texts and calls and further isolate yourself. If you are in this position, please speak to someone you know and trust or speak to an expert. There is no shame in seeking support, guidance or simply a shoulder to cry on as you air your thoughts and struggles.

5. Substance abuse To some, the easiest and most effective way to escape the pressures of life is to attempt to numb the pain and stress with substances. This can be an extremely concerning and damaging approach to struggles in life as you could become dependent on a substance. This can only cause more issues as it can be damaging for your physical and mental health with the harmful chemicals and lead to withdrawal symptoms, as well as impair your ability to manage your everyday life.

6. Avoidance You may be looking at tasks and thinking that it is too much for you to take on, or that if you attempt it, you will fail. You might get overwhelmed and decide to avoid responsibilities and tasks. Much like with social isolation, your general everyday responsibilities may be avoided as you are dealing with all the stress and failing to cope.

Physical

7. Fatigue and exhaustion Due to the amount you may be dealing with, whether it is issues with a relationship, work, finances, or a working environment, the mental strain you have to deal with can be extremely tiring. Mental exhaustion can result in physical fatigue as you are dealing with panic, restlessness and agitation.

8. Changing appetite Appetite can be extremely insightful to your mood and subconscious feeling. Whether it is overeating or a loss of appetite, the stress and low mood you are experiencing can be the leading cause. Your body might crave the dopamine hit in an effort to raise your mood, forming a habit of overeating. The same can be said for the reverse with losing an appetite as you struggle with feelings of depression and poor self-image.

9. Low quality sleep All the thoughts, concerns and stresses rattling around your mind throughout the day and night can have a hugely negative impact on a person’s quality of sleep. Whether that is waking up in the middle of the night, not getting enough deep sleep, or even sleeping through alarms because your body is so exhausted, the impact can be huge and even accentuate the issue.

What to say to someone who is not coping?

Speaking to someone when you are struggling to cope can be incredibly difficult, so when you speak to someone who you suspect might be struggling to cope, it is best to be patient, careful, sensitive and empathetic to what they are dealing with. You want to support, but you want to ensure you are supporting them in the right way. Initially they might be reluctant to discuss how they are feeling and may isolate themselves. But they will need and appreciate having that support and person to listen to them. Here are just a few things you can say to a person who is struggling to cope to help support them:

“I am here for you, if you want to tell me more, I’m here to listen”

When someone is struggling to cope with life’s stressors, supporting them requires patience, attentiveness and for someone to take their concerns seriously. You don’t want to be overbearing, forceful and intimidating. You want them to recognise you are a friend, someone who is concerned for their wellbeing and wants to help. Simply asking what is impacting them and reassuring them that they can rely on you can be a huge comfort to them.

Take your time, I know it’s hard, so just tell me in your own time”

It can be incredibly difficult to open up and discuss a struggle, especially one that a person might feel is getting the better of them. Providing the space and time to discuss an issue is essential to ensuring honest and open communication. Showing that you understand how hard it is for them to discuss an issue demonstrates your care and concern for this person and makes them feel more secure in opening up.

“I’m sorry you feel like this and I’m glad you’re talking about it”

Vulnerability is an incredibly commendable trait and takes an immense amount of mental strength to commit to. Showing someone your deepest self and opening up about your struggles can be incredibly difficult, and should be valued, respected and commended. Reassuring someone that they are doing the right thing in discussing their issues and seeking support validates their decision and ensure they will continue on a path of support rather than isolation. Acknowledging their struggle and demonstrating understanding of how difficult it must be is also incredibly valuable. It is important that you do not start trying to impart impersonal solutions or judgement onto a person when they are at their most vulnerable and open as it can cause irreparable damage. Showing empathy and compassion whilst allowing someone to voice their thoughts and emotions, especially those that are causing pain and distress can be hugely beneficial and help them overcome their negative emotions.

How can HA | Wisdom Wellbeing help you cope?

It is always good to seek support when you are overwhelmed and struggling to cope. But in some instances, you may feel you need expert support and solutions through a trusted and confidential channel. Using HA | Wisdom Wellbeing’s Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), you and your immediate family have access to a 24/7 helpline, 365-days a year with the UK’s only national EAP provider accredited by the BACP. Our expert team of counsellors are trained and able to handle a host of issues to support your mental wellbeing including financial and relationship advice. Whatever support you require, our team our here to support you.

Conclusion

Coping with life is something everyone has to deal with, but that doesn’t minimise any struggles a person has to deal with and their ability to effectively cope with said struggles. Finding the solution to coping with life may be based on finding ways to handle stress, and trusted support network. Whatever it is, it is essential to find the correct coping method to overcome the issues and focus on improving your standard of wellbeing. However, if it does become too much and overwhelming, please ensue you seek expert and dedicated support.