Grieving at college or university

While being at university or college can be incredibly exciting, it can often be daunting and triggering if you’re experiencing bereavement. Whether it’s due to a loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, it’s never easy to deal with. In this guide, we’ll explore how grief can affect your time at university or college, how to healthy deal with grief, and ways you can reach out for support when you need it.

What is grief?

Grief is a psychological response to loss. Though it’s commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can actually come about due to other life events that also cause a feeling of loss. This is why each person’s experience of grief is so unique, as what might be perceived as a loss to one person, may not be so intense for another.

What can cause grief as a student?

The student experience is unique to all, despite all being in the same boat. Students experience a new environment to study in, meet new people and adapt to a totally new lifestyle – particularly if living on campus.

How can all of these things arouse grief as a student? A student can experience grief from:

• Moving away from home

• Not having as much contact with friends and/or family

• Hearing of a loss of a loved one

• Breaking up with a partner

• Ending friendships

• Not having their usual comforts around them.

How can grieving affect student life?

If loss isn’t handled, grief can really impact a student’s quality of life. It may be hard to concentrate when one’s mind is occupied with the situation they’re grieving, and in turn, this can affect studies, self-care and even pre-existing mental health issues. While the feelings of grief and loss are similar when you aren’t a student, you may experience the following if you are:

• Poor focus and memory recall – affecting studies, exams and deadlines

• Reduced motivation to get work done

• Skill regression and making more mistakes than usual

• Increased absences from lectures and tutorials

• Irritability

• Sleep problems

• Social withdrawal caused by survival’s guilt or feeling ‘undeserving’ of fun and relaxation

How to seek support when you’re grieving as a student

If you’re experiencing grief as a student, you aren’t alone and help is available. From speaking to your tutor to accessing on-campus counselling support, there are numerous ways to help you deal with the complicated feelings of grief.

1. Speak to your tutor or course leader

Speaking to your tutor or course leader is a great first step, as it can quickly address the very natural experiences you’re having in reaction to grief – particularly if you feel out of character. They may be able to provide extra guidance on course material, extend deadlines or signpost exam support should you need it.

2. Seek support from a student counsellor

Most institutions have an on-site student counsellor who deal with a myriad of issues from exam stress to managing existing mental health conditions. This is a free avenue for professional support, and they can help you both understand and deal with the grief you’re experiencing.

Student Space or the Student Grief Network for peer support and resources are also a great way to seek additional support as a student. You can also contact charities like Child Bereavement UK, or join online bereavement groups to connect with others experiencing similar losses to yours. 

3. Use your institutions’ student assistance programme

Most institutions may have a student assistance programme (SAP) – a mental health and wellbeing support programme specifically for students. It can typically be accessed after academic contact hours – which can be helpful in moments where feelings of grief are difficult to manage.

4. Confide in friends and family

Speaking to trusted friends and family about what you’re going through can help them know you’re not yourself and need additional support. Whether that’s in the form of a listening ear, helping with chores, cooking meals and even supporting with studies can work wonders in lifting the weight that grief can have on a person.

5. Practice simple self-care

Self-care is often the first to go when we deal with grief and loss. Even things like showering can feel like a mountain of a task. If you’re having a day that feels especially tough, it’s a good idea to have a box of self-care items that are easy to use and don’t involve moving around too much. This can like having:

• Antibacterial gel

• Face/body wipes

• Chewing gum

• Mouth wash

• A bottle of water

• Multivitamins

• Fidget toys

• Your favourite teas or coffee

6. Speak to your GP

There may be a time where grief feels unbearable to a point where your usual coping strategies simply aren’t helping. This can be especially so if you have a pre-existing mental health condition. In moments like these, it’s important to speak to your GP to ensure you have the right dosage of medication (or potentially need a prescription). They may even want to rule out other concerns by running a blood test if appropriate.

How a Student Assistance Programme can help with grief

Student Assistance Programmes are a great avenue for support if you need help quickly. From telephone counselling to video call or live chat, our SAP is available 24/7, 365 days a year for structured counselling from one of our highly qualified counsellors. Our counsellors deal with many complex cases such as grief, and they’ll be on hand to help you unpack, understand and deal with the grief you’re experiencing to facilitate your wellbeing. Plus, students also get access to our unique wellbeing app Wisdom – where you can track your wellbeing, mood and access exclusive content to help deal with feelings of grief.

Frequently asked questions about grieving at university or college

How do I ask for help if I’m dealing with grief?

When you feel ready to, you can ask for help with feelings of grief by speaking to your GP, on-site campus counsellor, tutor or SAP. This is a choice that must be made by you when you feel ready, and we recommend doing this as soon as possible to avoid feelings of grief worsening overtime.

At what point is grief unhealthy?

There’s no set time on how long you need to recover from grief. However, grief can be deemed unhealthy it is affecting your quality of life to a point where you feel ‘stuck’. As a student, this can look like much preoccupation with the situation causing grief, absenteeism from university or college, isolation, not completing coursework, skipping exams and neglecting food and self-care.