Can Positive Relationships Can Boost Your Mental Health?

Relationships have a huge impact on our overall wellbeing. Humans have an inherent need to form and maintain relationships, and the need to belong is something that is deeply ingrained in our species. In 1995, psychologists Baumeister and Leary identified belonging as a universal human need which is essential in terms of survival and protection. As research suggests that belonging promotes resilience, motivation, and good physical health, it’s crucial to consider the state of our relationships when boosting our overall wellbeing. It’s also important to foster positive relationships in the workplace by encouraging team bonding and productive individual connections.

One of the most fundamental relationships we have is the relationship we have with ourselves. Often, we are offered reams of advice to improve our relationships with others, but our relationship with ourselves is not given the attention or consideration that it deserves. When we have a negative view of ourselves, we’re more likely to experience low self-esteem, mental health difficulties and, by extension, issues in our relationships with others. This can, in turn, affect our ability to effectively manage our teams.

What is a healthy relationship?

Whilst each connection we have with another person is unique, healthy relationships typically share some core qualities. When we have healthy relationships with others, we feel secure and safe enough to express ourselves freely without fearing judgement, as we can trust the other person to offer us empathy and understanding. In healthy relationships, communication is abundant and respectful, and each person respects the boundaries of the other. Positive workplace relationships involve many of the same characteristics but also include professionalism and leadership. In short, healthy relationships are connections in which we feel comfortable enough to be who we are.

Ways to build a healthy relationship with yourself

As mentioned, a huge component of a healthy relationship is cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself. A healthy relationship with yourself involves offering yourself compassion and understanding, reframing negative or self-critical thoughts, and engaging with regular self-care.

Challenge your biases

When we have a negative relationship with ourselves, we are more prone to experiencing cognitive distortions, which negatively influence our self-talk. Cognitive distortions are irrational, unhelpful thought patterns that impact our mental health. An example of this would be ‘mental filtering’, which is when we focus on negative information about ourselves and ignore reassuring or positive information.

Human beings inherently have something called ‘confirmation bias’, which means we seek out evidence to confirm our preexisting biases and beliefs. When we have a negative view of ourselves, we often fall into the trap of seeking evidence to confirm this and ignoring the evidence that contradicts this view. Reframing and challenging our negative opinions of ourselves can help us break out of this cycle.

When you make a negative comment or judgement about yourself, try to identify and label this as a negative thought in the moment. After labelling the thought, you can then challenge it. Ask yourself, “what would I say to a loved one if they were in the same situation as me?” or “what evidence is there that contradicts this belief?”

Make self-care a priority

To cultivate a positive, healthy relationships with ourselves, it’s vital to make self-care a priority – remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We need to ensure that our cups are full, so we have energy to give in our relationships with others, both at home and at work. By making sure that we meet our basic needs, such as a getting adequate sleep, eating nutritionally dense food, engaging in regular exercise, and staying hydrated, we can restore our energy and develop a caring relationship with ourselves.

Explore your values

Our values are foundational beliefs that often serve as the driving force for our emotions and behaviours. Personal values influence how we act enormously, and acting in a way that contradicts our values can leave us feeling uncomfortable. Equally, if a loved one or colleague behaves in a way that conflicts with our values, we might feel frustrated or upset.

By making time to identify and explore our values, we can increase our self-awareness of personal triggers. When we feel strongly about a particular situation or topic, it can elicit intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or a sense of injustice. While these emotions can help us to identify our values and understand what is important to us, they can become difficult to manage without adequate reflection and self-care. They might leave us feeling overwhelmed, critical of our reactions, or might impact our relationships with others.

Journaling is a great way to explore what is important to you, what you find meaningful and what your personal triggers are in a safe, controlled space. It allows us to reflect on and learn from our experiences rather than judging ourselves, and it can help us outline our personal boundaries within relationships.

Focus on what you can control

It can be easy to become fixated on how other people are acting and focus all our energy on trying to manage their behaviour to reduce tension in our personal and workplace relationships. It's important to remember that we can’t change or control others. What we can do is focus our attention on what is within our control – our own actions and how we respond to our thoughts and feelings. Providing ourselves compassion, setting healthy boundaries and asserting our needs respectfully are all practices that are both within our control and contribute to healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

Ways to build healthy relationships with others

The positive neurological impact of healthy relationships is well established. When we build trust and create social bonds, we release oxytocin which may explain why we work on improving our relationships, even when it’s tough. Developing our connections rewards us with a flood of happy hormones. By developing healthy workplace relationships, we can promote a positive workplace culture and increase job satisfaction within our teams.

Get to know the other person

Cultivating curiosity within our relationships allows us to continually grow and develop our bonds with others. It allows us to understand them and gain insight into their values, beliefs and what is important to them. When we have this context, we can navigate difficulties in our relationships with greater awareness and empathy. This understanding also helps the person feel seen and understood, which facilitates more meaningful, long-lasting relationships. Curiosity allows us to improve our professional as well as our personal relationships; in fact, Harvard Business Review found that showing interest in others can increase feelings of positive regard and trust by 50%.

Be open

Reciprocity is vital within our relationships. While it's important to show interest in others, it’s equally as important to be open to provide them the opportunity to understand who we are and what is important to us. By being honest and authentic with others, we build stronger connections. In the workplace, strong connections are vital in positively influencing career growth, gaining industry knowledge, and creating a robust professional support network.

It's worth noting that being vulnerable with others can be daunting, particularly if we have had negative experiences in past relationships or struggle to trust others. Vulnerability requires us to feel safe which can feel difficult if we feel anxious, insecure or are experiencing trauma. If you know that mental health issues are impacting your ability to fully connect in relationships, reach out for support; counselling and therapy can be instrumental in facilitating healing.

Assume positive intent

Assuming positive intent involves predominantly assuming that others have good intentions rather than jumping to negative conclusions without evidence. Often, we worry that we have upset a friend, partner or colleague because we feel like they are being ‘off’ with us. Alternatively, we might feel frustrated by another person’s actions and assume that they intended to make us feel this way. This may cause us to withdraw, lash out, or become distressed, when in reality we have misinterpreted the person’s behaviour.

By assuming positive intent and trusting that the person will tell you if they have any problems, we can act in alignment with facts rather than hunches or interpretations. If someone is upset and they choose not to communicate how they feel, this beyond our control – everyone is responsible for communicating their own feelings.

Dealing with relationship conflicts

Learning to navigate conflict in a healthy way helps us to strengthen our relationships. When we disagree in a respectful way, we set emotional safety and empathy as the standard, building a secure foundation for the relationship.

Don't assume others know how you feel

When we expect mind reading in our relationships, we set the other person up to fail. This expectation sets an unattainable standard for the other person, which can cause tension and frustration in the relationship. Others can only know how we feel when we communicate with them clearly and directly.

Use active listening

For effective conflict resolution, it’s important that we listen to the other person as well as express our own thoughts and feelings. Active listening is a skill that we can develop to ensure that the other person feels supported and understood during any communication within our relationships. When we employ active listening, we decentre ourselves and centre the perspective of the other person, allowing us to better understand their intentions and emotions. To offer active listening:

• Remain present and show interest in what the person is saying
• Ask open-ended questions to promote exploration
• Paraphrase and reflect what has been said to ensure understanding
• Aim to understand rather than to respond
  

Be specific

When we are specific about our concerns or issues, we allow the other person to properly understand our needs and work towards a resolution. For example, if someone doesn’t respond to your emails for weeks at a time, rather than ignoring them in retaliation, explain that you felt frustrated or hurt and provide context as to why. This allows you to find solutions as a team and to move forward in a healthy way, such as sharing your communication preferences and finding a healthy middle ground.

Focus on the problem not the person

Rather than approaching relationship challenges as a fight between two people, it can be more constructive to reframe conflict as “us versus the problem”. This allows us to work together collaboratively to solve a problem rather than attack one another. For example, if your team member is struggling to meet their deadlines and this is negatively impacting the department, taking time to explore the difficulties they are facing and potential support helps them feel seen and valued, which strengthens the relationship and resolves conflict constructively.

Express boundaries

In any area of life in which we interact with other people, boundaries are crucial. Boundaries are especially important when we are managing conflict in relationships, as they protect our space and outline our limits and expectations in our relationships. To set boundaries:

• Define and communicate the boundary clearly
• Briefly explain why the boundary is important to you
• Avoid overexplaining the boundary

Boundaries are essential in the workplace to ensure a safe and supportive environment. For example, if someone raises issues with you at a time where you don’t have the capacity to manage them properly, you can explain to them that you are not available, but you want to address the issue in at an appropriate time. Outline your availability and schedule the discussion for a time where you can both approach the conversation calmly and constructively.

Tips on managing stress and anxiety in relationships

Acknowledge your feelings

At times, we can all feel anxious in relationships, particularly if we’ve had negative experiences in previous relationships, such as infidelity, abandonment, or abuse. Sometimes we experience relationship stress unrelated to historical issues, such as during times of change, uncertainty, or conflict. For instance, you might notice that you are arguing with your partner more during a house move, which could cause feelings of anxiety about your relationship. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step in managing them – you need to know what you’re dealing with in order to communicate to others or resolve the issue individually. The ability to accurately label emotions is called emotional granularity, and emotional granularity is a skill that we can hone and develop. The benefits are well evidenced, with research showing that precisely labelling our emotions reduces activity in the brain areas linked to negative emotions, boosting our mental wellbeing.

Let others support you

If you have a history of being in relationships in which your needs were neglected or dismissed, it may feel uncomfortable to accept support from others. However, accepting this support builds trust and strengthens our relationship. If loved ones ask how they can support you when you are struggling, be as clear and open as possible about your needs. This can include communicating that you need comfort, advice, or space.

Share how stress impacts you

Sometimes, our loved ones or colleagues don’t realise that we’re struggling, and if we don’t speak up, it can leave us feeling unseen or isolated. It can be difficult for the people around us to recognise the signs that we’re finding things tough, so it’s crucial ensure that we share how we are feeling regularly. This allows the people around us to better understand how they can support us during challenging times, and it gets us into the habit of identifying our personal warning signs.

How an Employee Assistance Programme can help you build positive relationships

An Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) allows you to access support when you need it most. At HA | Wisdom Wellbeing, our registered and qualified counsellors offer in the moment support via our 24/7 helpline or the live chat and video call on our Wisdom app. This allows you to connect with a professional practitioner who will use solution focused brief therapy techniques to help you to develop healthy coping methods and visualise your preferred future. As relationship issues can cause us significant stress and external stressors can negatively impact our relationships, it is vital to reach out for support to maintain your emotional and social wellbeing. As we are available 365 days a year, you can speak with a qualified counsellor whenever it suits you.

Conclusion

Relationships are an integral aspect of our wellbeing, influencing our mental, emotional, and even physical health. When we can rely on a robust support network both inside and outside of the workplace, we notice increased confidence and overall happiness. Ensuring that healthy communication is regular and standard within the workplace also allows us to create a positive environment in which our teams can reap the rewards of strong, supportive relationships. By prioritising our relationships with ourselves and developing our emotional granularity, communication skills, and self-awareness, we can move towards cultivating rewarding, healthy relationships with others.