How does mental illness affect relationships?

Having a mental health illness – diagnosed or not – can feel like an isolating experience. In some cases, it can affect how we act around certain people and how we behave in different relationship dynamics.

While mental health concerns can have an impact on romantic relationships, it can also impact friendships, who we work with and our immediate family. In this article, we’ll explore how these relationships can be affected by mental illness, and how employers can provide support to individuals who may be experiencing relationship concerns due to poor mental health.

How mental illness affects different types of relationships

Having a mental health condition, or bouts of poor mental health, can affect how we interact with others. The behaviours we exhibit can differ between the types of relationships we have with people, such as:

Familial relationships

One of the biggest concerns when looking at how mental illness affects familial relationships, is the change in family dynamics. Depending on upbringing by generation, varied interests and lived experiences, there may be cases of stigma where a family member (or members) refuse to accept there is a mental health concern.

Emotional strain can also play a huge role in cases where care is provided within the family. As people have their own levels of tolerances, when these aren’t voiced or managed, it may cause additional stress and/or strain. It’s also not uncommon for some family members needing to seek professional support of their own because of the strain they feel.

Romantic relationships

A key cause for concern when looking at how mental health affects romantic relationships is their effect on physical and emotional intimacy. While it’s natural for humans to feel frustration, burnout and guilt for having these feelings, how they’re dealt with and addressed is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Mental illness expressed in romantic relationships may also harbour things like:

• Increased conflict

• Emotional strain

• Communication barriers

• Social isolation

• Shame and/or resentment

Friendships

Mental illness can affect friendships by causing the other individual to withdraw and isolate themselves. This can make reaching out hard, leading to feelings of loneliness. A friend may simply not know how to deal with the news of a mental health concern or show disinterest – the latter of which can cause additional harm to an individual expressing their concerns. The former can make a person with mental health concerns feel judged, awkward and ashamed of how they feel.

Professional relationships

Mental illness can affect professional relationships through changes in one’s behaviour. This could be exhibited through things like mood swings, irritability, and social withdrawal, which can impact productivity, communication, and teamwork. Sadly, some employers may see this an unprofessional – which is simply not the case. The right support can break mental health stigma and open up room for productive conversations.

From an employer’s perspective, you may observe increased absenteeism and presenteeism (where an employee is physically but not mentally present). Both can negatively affect team morale, increase the risk of interpersonal conflict, impact company culture and your business’s bottom line.

How to maintain relationships when experiencing poor mental health 

Poor mental health strikes at any moment and is non-discriminant. Whether it’s caused by a long-term issue, an immediate concern or an on-going illness, you’re not alone. To maintain relationships while getting the support you need – here are some ways you can do this:

1. Communicate openly with select people

You don’t owe explanations to everyone around you, nor does every person in your life have default access to personal concerns. While transparency is important in romantic relationships, people you live with and/or depend on, only sharing what you’re comfortable with is a good start.

When it comes to colleagues, depending on how well you feel you can confide in them, you may only wish to tell an immediate colleague you regularly work with. After all, first and foremost, we’re human. And if they spot you aren’t your usual self, it’s very likely they may express concern. Again, you should only share what you feel comfortable with, just make sure you have an open and honest discussion – even a short one – can help others know what to do to support you.

2. Give your manager a heads up

It’s a good idea to let your manager know on days you’re feeling extra vulnerable due to a mental health concern. You don’t have to divulge every detail, but simply letting them know you’re trying to work through mental health concerns can be enough to keep your manager in the know in case they express concern.

Employers also have a duty of care to ensure you work safely. If there are things at work – such as additional noise or unsustainable workloads exacerbating your symptoms, they must discuss how they can best accommodate and provide support.

3. Ask for what you need

If you know what could help and you feel able to, it’s worth asking for what you need. This could be space, additional time with someone you consider close, an outing, time away from your workstation, fresh air – whatever it may be. This can help regulate emotions when things feel especially tough.

4. Seek professional advice

Seeking support from your GP and/or a mental health professional is always advised if you are dealing with symptoms from a mental health condition. A GP will be able to advise on any appropriate medication(s), while counselling can provide support in the form of a talk-therapy. Check if your workplace has an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) – as you’ll be able to access solution-focused therapy through it if deemed appropriate for your circumstances.

If not, a qualified counsellor from the EAP will be able to signpost the right support or potentially refer for specialist support through the wellbeing provider if this is a service they offer. This could be things like online CBT or trauma management.

5. Prioritise self-care

Time for self-care can be done alone or with the people you care about. It can be as simple as watching a film you love, journalling, creating art or attending an activity together. Self-care for stressful times or when your mental health feels particularly worse on some days, is essential to help ease the symptoms. If you need to, communicate with the people who are actively in the know about your mental health condition that you’d like to take some time for self-care, so they know to give you the space you need to do so.

6. Respect other people’s boundaries

If someone expresses that your mental health concerns are causing someone to feel overwhelmed, it can make us feel guilty and ashamed. It can also be difficult to empathise when we are already feeling low due to poor mental health.

When you rely heavily on an individual or set of people such as your partner, friends or family, it can feel all too easy to offload regularly. And while it’s important to communicate how you’re feeling, everyone needs time to themselves to process information and look after their own mental health too. Your relationships are not substitutes for professional support, and while you should still communicate your concerns, it’s worth asking if they have the capacity to simply listen to how you’re feeling.

7. Share the load

In the same vein as the last point – particularly when confiding in your partner – discuss what you both need in order to feel supported. This can be boundary setting, having quiet moments together or separately, going to appointments together, seeking couples counselling – anything that the two of you need to thrive while navigating mental ill health.

8. Show your appreciation

It’s easy to be wrapped up in our own problems, and when we aren’t feeling our best self, it can be hard to think of how others feel. Try to show appreciation for the support you give from the heart. Simply “thank you for taking time to listen to me” can be enough, or when you feel able to, you may wish to express other acts of kindness to show your appreciation.

How an Employee Assistance Programme can help

Though confidential counselling support through an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), an individual can seek support for mental ill-health. While most EAPs offer a solution-focused, goal-oriented mode of therapy, it could be helpful for individuals who need support with an immediate issue.

However, an EAP can still support individuals with a mental illness through bridging therapy (the connecting of an individual's initial, short-term support to longer-term, more specialised mode of counselling). At HA | Wisdom Wellbeing, all calls we receive from our users receive in the moment support. Even if solution-focused brief therapy isn’t quite right, we can signpost you to the relevant place for the appropriate care or refer you for one of our specialist support services.

Conclusion

Different relationships can impact how people respond when you open up about your mental health concerns. For example, the reaction from your romantic partner would differ from a colleague, and it’s important to ascertain who you feel most comfortable with opening up to. With the right support system, boundaries and open communication, you can ensure your loved ones and colleagues are also considered while you receive professional and/or medical support.