Whether you or your partner has a mental health issue, communication is going to be key to support one another. It can be particularly difficult confiding in a partner that you’re struggling with your mental health. It can be just as difficult if not more so to disclose a pre-existing mental health condition to a new partner in the early stages of a relationship.
Whatever point you’re at in your relationship, discussing mental health issues with your partner is never easy. There are ways however to break down barriers and approach the conversation with love and kindness.
When you or your partner has a mental health issue
If you partner has told you they’re struggling with their mental health, or you suspect something may be out of the ordinary, remember that it can be distressing for the other person to talk about it. They may feel a multitude of things such as embarrassment or even shame for struggling with their mental health.
From either side, you may observe:
• Withdrawal and/or distance
• Irritability or “snapping”
• An increase in the number of arguments
• A shift in their behaviour or attitude compared to their usual demeanour
• Substance abuse
• Neglecting self-care
How to tell your partner about your mental health issues
While every relationship is unique, it’s important to feel safe enough to confide in your partner about your mental health. Assuming you feel safe to do so, here are some ways to ease the discomfort and open up to your partner about a mental health issue:
Write it down
Drafting what you want to say is always a great place to start. This could be on paper or digitally on your notes app for example. Write out all the key points you want to address and assess what you feel comfortable opening up about first. It may be that there are some things in the initial discussion you want to elaborate on at a later date, or you may only want to talk through some of the key struggles you are experiencing where you feel you need extra support.
Pick a date and time
A time when you are both together and ideally away from others in a quiet and secure place is a great time to open up. This can be a place you feel safe in, i.e. at home, a park, or a café. While it can be tempting to wait for the “right time”, this can be a slippery slope to putting off a difficult conversation. The sooner you address your concerns, the sooner you and your partner can work together to find support.
Give as much information as your comfortable providing
Simply letting a partner know you’re struggling with your mental health is a huge step. And while context can help your partner know more about the nuances in why you may be feeling low, it’s also understandable that you may not feel comfortable divulging all the information in one go. This might be something you gauge over time to see how your partner reacts and/or if your mental health concerns improve.
Use “I” statements
Statements like “I feel” or “I need” can help your partner feel as though they aren’t to blame or like they need to shoulder any pressure. It can also reduce any defensiveness if your partner may be involved with a mental health issue. It can encourage your partner to see things from your point of view and lessen the likelihood of them feeling as so though they’re at fault.
Ask for their support
It’s all too easy to jump into rescue mode, which sometimes does more harm than good. For others, they may not know how to deal with the information you’ve confided and need to be informed of how they can support and what is needed to do so. Whether that’s support in being listened to or helping out more with chores to ease the mental load, have a think about what you need to feel supported in your relationship while navigating mental health issues.
