A Guide to Practicing Self-Compassion

Have you ever felt bad about a situation and blamed yourself for it? Or perhaps a previous situation has crossed your mind that you felt ashamed of and beat yourself up about it. Sadly, some of us show less compassion to ourselves than we do others. We deserve the same levels of compassion, because when we forgive ourselves and whatever we perceive as our own flaws, we can truly blossom and reach a place of acceptance.

What does compassion mean, and what is self-compassion?

Compassion means feeling sympathy for those who may be going through a tough time. It may be a stressful time at work, a bereavement or relationship breakdown to name a few examples. Acting on this compassion to try and help someone might involve lending a listening ear, offering advice or simply wishing to offer some kind of help to the other person.

Self-compassion is very much the same but is all about treating yourself with the same level of understanding and kindness you would to others. In theory, this may seem quite easy to do, but our environment, view of ourselves and the world can affect the level of self-compassion we offer ourselves, and in some cases, whether we do at all.

The pillars of self-compassion

There are three core pillars when it comes to self-compassion.

Self-kindness

This involves treating yourself with the same level of care and kindness you would with others who are struggling. Although it can be difficult to do at first, this step is about acknowledging your own shortcomings, without giving in to harsh self- criticism.

Common humanity

Recognising that everyone, at some point, experiences some form of hardship or struggle. It’s very much about acknowledging that you make mistakes, have your own flaws and that these are not isolated – but rather a part of the human experience.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is all about being present. This can be applied to self-compassion as mindful practice is a great way to observe your current thoughts and feelings, whilst not fixating on them or passing judgement on yourself. It’s a time for reflection, which in turn helps you deal with and accept any feelings you may be experiencing.

Myths about self-compassion

Unfortunately, there are some misconceptions around the concept of self-compassion. These may contribute to why some may struggle to practice self-compassion in the first place or put people off the idea altogether. Let’s dive into some of these myths.

Self-compassion is self-pity

It’s all about recognising that everyone, including yourself, is prone to making mistakes. You wouldn’t put down a friend if they made one, so with that same sentiment, you also deserve to show yourself the same support and kindness.

Self-compassion is weakness

Self-compassion takes a lot of strength and resilience. It’s very easy to give into negative thoughts and inner monologues but turning situations and mistakes around and into learning opportunities is a huge sign of one’s growth.

Self-compassion is selfish

Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, including yourself. When you are kind to yourself, you’ll feel more able to show the same kindness to others.

Self-compassion will make you complacent

Pressure and negative self-criticism may sometimes be used to push through a situation, but over a prolonged period, this can have a detrimental effect on your mental health. Self-compassion may mean taking time to slow down to truly reflect on your struggles, as well as use healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them.

The benefits of practicing self-compassion

Being kind to yourself may seem quite hard at first, but it’s a great way to improve your overall wellbeing. After all, no one likes to feel put down for their struggles. Here are some of the many benefits of practicing self-compassion.

1. It can improve your overall wellbeing

Your mental, physical and emotional wellbeing can benefit greatly from practicing self-compassion. In a randomised clinical trial of mindful self-compassion (MSC), they saw increased mindfulness, life satisfaction, as well as greater reductions in depression, anxiety, stress and emotional avoidance.

2. It can facilitate a growth mindset

It’s all too easy to be put off goals when challenges get tough. Practicing self-compassion can help in these situations by encouraging you to develop a growth mindset. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, you can instead see them as learning opportunities.

3. It can lead to more fulfilling relationships

When you are kind to yourself, you’re more likely to show this kindness to others. This can help increase your self-esteem and others’ perceptions of you in a positive light. You may even be seen as someone who has a positive outlook on their own mistakes, and as someone with a good level of empathy.

4. Increased motivation

Failing a task or seeing something through doesn’t feel great, but with self-compassion, you can motivate yourself to carry on and/or try new things. You’ll find yourself feeling less afraid of failing and instead seeing these opportunities as areas for growth.

How to practice self-compassion

Self-compassion sounds easy, right? Whilst it is in theory, getting started may feel odd at first, especially if you aren’t used to it. Embracing this awkwardness is key to pushing through and making self-compassion a normal part of your life. Here are some ways to practice self-compassion.

1. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is one of three pillars for self-compassion, so this is a great place to begin. Find a quiet spot, even for just a few minutes, to fully observe the here and now. If you have access to our Wisdom app, you can aid your mindfulness meditation by using one of our guided audios.

2. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend

If you’re struggling with self-compassion, simply asking yourself ‘what would I tell my friend’ is a great place to start to build the self-compassion muscle memory. You can say things to yourself like:

‘I know things feel tough, but this is temporary, and things will be okay’

‘This is a blip in the road, I can try again’

‘It’s okay to take some time out to relax and reflect right now’.

3. Recognise that you’re not alone

We all go through struggles, and yours are valid. When you start to feel alone in negative thought cycles, it’s in these moments where self-compassion will be your best friend.

Reflect on a difficult time you may be going through and think about how others may have gone through something similar. How did they overcome it and come out the other side better off? Are you able to seek support on forums for specific issues and speak to a counsellor about them?

How an employee assistance programme can help you practice self-compassion

Getting on board with self-compassion can be challenging, especially if you find the thought of it unnatural. At HA | Wisdom Wellbeing, our trained counsellors can support you through a wide range of mental health concerns, as well as guide you through ways to practice self-compassion when you feel unable to cope during rough patches. No matter the date or time, our counsellors are on hand to help 24/7, 365 days a year.

Conclusion

Practicing self-compassion takes time to become accustomed to. With the right support system and mindful practice, you can take small steps to practice speaking to yourself in a more compassionate way, just like you would with friends and family. This in turn will boost your overall wellbeing, encourage confidence and give you the motivation you need to see perceived failures as opportunities for learning and redirection.