Supporting Your Friends with their Mental Health Journey

Seeing a friend experiencing poor mental health can be tough. As friends, you want the best for them, but you may feel powerless when it comes to helping them through their issues. Friendships play a key role in reducing feelings of isolation and ensuring we get social interaction to stave off feelings of loneliness. How can you support your friend’s mental health journey? And how can you make sure your mental health and wellbeing is looked after too?

Understanding how you might help someone or a friend

Whether it’s a colleague at work or a close friend, witnessing someone go through a tough time due to their mental health is never pleasant. Many of us experience mental health issues at some point, even if they’re mild, so there’s a very high chance you’ll come across this at some point.

Having a close bond with someone already may help them feel more ready to open up or at least give some form of a hint they’re going through a tough time. No matter how much support you offer, you need to understand that people work at their own pace. After all, what might seem like an easy and logical solution to you may seem difficult and daunting to someone else. That’s why it’s important within friendships, and even with strangers, to offer a non-judgmental space for them to talk and only to offer advice if that’s what they’re seeking.

Why your support matters

Your support matters because someone going through a mental health struggle may be more likely to speak to you about it. It can offer a little bit of relief while they’re working through their issues.

Even if you feel like there’s aren’t many ways in which you can help, there are small things that can be done that can make a world of a difference like partaking in activities together such as going to a café, a walk or the movies. There is also the added challenge of worrying you’ll say something wrong. No one is perfect, and that’s why taking an active role in listening rather than speaking is key.

How do I start the conversation with a friend who needs support for their mental health?

Starting a conversation with your friend who needs support for their mental health can be challenging. You may be feeling worried about them and may not want to come across confrontational. Here are some ways you can start the mental health conversation with your friend who needs support:

1. Choose the right time

It’s important to only bring up the subject when you’re both in a place where they feel comfortable. It might be helpful to be somewhere where there are no distractions or anyone within earshot so they can confide in you.

2. Speak to them

When you’ve chosen the right time and place, it’s important to approach the subject of your friend’s mental health delicately. Outright asking your friend what’s wrong can quickly bring their defences up. Instead, asking how they’ve been is a good starting point, and if they drop subtle hints about something that’s troubling them, you can ask them to explain if they feel comfortable doing so. This way, the conversation of them opening flows naturally.

If you still find there’s a bit of resistance, or you sense they’re still closed off from sharing how they’re feeling, don’t pressure them to share anything. Simply enjoy each other’s company and let them know you’re there if they ever fancy a chat.

3. Don’t offer advice unless they want it

If your friend opens up, it can be all too easy to get emotionally involved and react in a defensive manner. You may offer a solution right away which, while it may be right, it may also come across as dismissive and overwhelming to the other person. Instead, ask them if they want advice. If they say yes, be sure to be sensitive about what solutions you may offer.

4. Use open-ended questions

Open-ended questions can encourage your friend to think and process their emotions. Be mindful of the questions you ask and ask yourself if this is something you’d want to hear in this situation. Simple things like “How have you been feeling today?” or “What kind of feelings have you be going through lately?” can be good starting points.

How to respond when a friend opens up about their mental health

1. Relate

If your friend is going through a situation, you’ve also been through, you can use this time to relate and even talk through how you went through similar emotions. Be mindful of telling them how you’ve handled it as again, this can come across as giving unsolicited advice. Saying things like “I felt the same way when I went through this, so you’re not alone” can show you relate and well as normalise how the other person is feeling.

2. Don’t judge them

All mental health issues are experienced differently, so it’s important not to judge your friend if they open up about their mental health. Perhaps they’re struggling with anxiety despite appearing outgoing, or they’re going through a period of depression but appear happy-go-lucky in social settings. Acknowledge what they’re saying and express how you’re sorry to hear they’re going through their struggles. Try not to treat them differently either after they’ve opened up as this may make them feel worse. Instead, ask them for what they need. Even if their response is “nothing”, offering to be there when they need you can be a huge help.

3. Ask them how you can help

Not only does this show you’re there for them, but it can reaffirm their decision to confide their feeling with you. Whether that’s offering to find helplines, accompanying them to a GP appointment, or going with them to certain places that make them feel anxious – all of these things can help alleviate what they may be feeling

4. Encourage them to reach out

There may be things your friend is going through that you simply don’t have the qualifications or expertise to help with. In these instances, it’s important to encourage your friend to seek support from a GP or counsellor. Sometimes this may come across defeatist, but it’s important to remind them that there’s no shame in seeking professional help, and that an impartial ear may be able to offer more guidance.

5. Check in with them regularly

Try not to be overbearing but be sure to check in with your friend on a regular basis. Whether that’s sending a quick text in the morning, asking them out for a walk or a coffee, all of these things can help your friend feel as though you care.

I’m supporting a friend, but I feel overwhelmed

Supporting a friend can feel overwhelming at times, particularly if you’re carving out more time to make sure you’re there for them. If you find your mental health is impacted, you need to recognise that your feelings are equally as valid. Plus, if you don’t look out for yourself, you’ll run on empty and not be able to support your friends.

Reach out to friends and family for support. They may be able to lend a listening ear when you’re feeling like things are getting on top of you. You may even find it beneficial to seek professional help of your own. Check if your workplace has an employee assistance programme, who may be able to connect you with a counsellor. They can guide you through self-care techniques as well as give you the space to open up about your own feelings.

How can an Employee Assistance Programme help

An Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) can really help anyone going through a difficult time. Even something like supporting another individual can cause feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and even social isolation if you don’t take steps to set boundaries for yourself. You may even experience feelings of guilt for feeling this way when you know your friend is struggling with their mental health. In instances where an immediate family member who you’ve been supporting with their mental wellbeing needs assistance, they will also be able access HA | Wisdom Wellbeing’s EAP service for additional support.

With an EAP from HA | Wisdom Wellbeing, you can connect to one of our trained counsellors 24/7, 365 days a year. Our counsellors can guide you through difficult feelings you may be experiencing, as well as how to set boundaries and build your resilience when facing difficult situations.

Conclusion

Supporting a friend with their mental health journey can be tough. However, with the right approach, you can preserve your own mental health while being there for them. Ensure you remain non-judgemental in all interactions and be sure not to press for answers if you sense resistance. Show up in small ways, make time for yourself to recuperate from emotionally charged confiding moments and seek support if you need it.